spring break reading list & musings
words that spoke to my soul that I hope will do the same for you
I’m finally back home for spring break after missing my connecting flight home and being stuck in DC overnight because of delays. The clouds seem to be fluffier every time I see them, and I finally don’t have to be bundled up in my big puffer jacket and fuzzy ear muffs.
Instead of the usual short essay,
I want to switch things up for this week’s post & make a few lists of things that really spoke to me recently.
🌱 recent reads that spoke to my soul
What no one told me about co-ops, by Grace Nguyen:
“When job offers gives you frequent feedback, it’s hard not to base your identity off of your hourly wage, plus, being so young, it can feel like there is so little to differentiate yourself from your peers.”
Rejections and the things I’ve walked away from have had an unparalleled impact on my life and what I’ve decided to do because of the feedback loop each recruiting cycle or decision provides.
Coming Home Again, by Chang-rae Lee
“It puzzled me how much she considered her own history to be immaterial, and if she never patently diminished herself, she was able to finesse a kind of self-removal by speaking of my father whenever she could”
I think a lot about realities that we give up on, and the ones that people we love gave up for us. I wonder if someday all that I’ve done will just die with the people who’ve been with me this entire time. I honestly cried reading this piece & it resonated a lot with me given my experience of growing up in a traditionally asian household, and now I’m left with thinking about making decisions fully for myself even if it’s for someone else because then the pain of not having it remembered will never surface (thank you ryan for this wonderful rec!)
The Benality of Busy, by Brett Kim
“It seems evident to me that the pernicious nature of fake work does not stem from its lack of utility for one’s future. In fact, much of “fake work” leads to resume highlights, new connections, and present opportunities that may not have been considered otherwise. However, this type of work mainly builds security, not fulfillment.”
I’ve been pondering a lot recently if exhaustion is worth fulfillment with friends. I even got into an argument with one of them (“L”) about this but the common sentiment seems to be yes. Personally, I can’t give up my physical wellbeing anymore in expense of fufillment because nowadays I’m literally so exhausted at the end of everyday that I can’t do anything.
🌤 what I’m pondering
Rejection
When you get a “yes” for something you really care about, it means so much more. Especially compared to getting a “yes” or getting a “no” for things you don’t really want to do.
I am very non-confrontational at a fault. I struggle with saying no. However, It’s been very freeing to finally confront things that I’ve just let fall by the wayside over the past few months. I don’t want to say yes to things that are at my expense anymore.
Forsaking
On the same note, I’ve “given up” opportunities this year that I would’ve killed for as a freshman. I’m honestly still surprised that it was me who turned them down and not the other way around. I wonder sometimes If I’ll regret it in the future, but for now I feel a deep sense of relief. A freeing that comes from holding onto this burden of acceptance for the past few months. This might come back to haunt me but making the decision itself tormented me enough, so much so that I dragged it on for so long. I think only time will tell, but I think you tend to forget the things you’ve let go of as time goes on because you can latch onto what you decided on instead.
It’s a lot easier for me to accept the new realities right in front of me now rather than linger on the ones that could’ve happened if I didn’t forsake them.
Ask, because why not?
If you ask, you already have a better chance of it happening than sitting idly by. It’s also so much easier to ask for things when how much you want something outweighs your fear of rejection.
I want to be a big fish
Marc Andreessen in “Skills & Education” saids:
”Don’t worry about being a small fish in a big pond—you want to always be in the best pond possible, because that’s how you will get exposed to the best people and the best opportunities in your field.”
Why care about what pond you’re in if you just focus on becoming a big fish? If you’re a big fish, you can leap into any pond you want and others will probably follow.
At that point, you can just make your own pond.
“Mafias” — who make up the jacky (: mafia?
It’s honestly crazy and super interesting to me once you peel beneath the curtain and see all the people who have impacted and made up someone’s life. You begin to see how it all connects and why people decided to do the things they do because of this “personal committee” that informs and shapes their decisions. I also want to take a chance to thank everyone here for reading this because in some way, you’re now enscribed in my in some way.
🧚🏼♂️ recent playlist
after the after-party:
After the after-party, I always feel this sense of relief as an introvert and being able to get through another event. There’s also this small hinge of sadness, that something so fun has ended. How fun it was to just lounge around a big bean bag and hang out with all of my friends in their cramped cramped common room. It lingers with me as I start trudging back to my own dorm room down the hall. I wonder how many more of these moments I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life — the feeling that comes after things have ended.
🌸 spring break reading lists
AI Super Powers, by Kaifu Lee
This book recounts china’s history with startups & ai as well as silicon valleys larger impact on this burgeoning landscape. (I’ve gotten through 2 chapters out of 10 so hopping to finally finish it & thank you nancy for this wonderful rec)
Between Two Funerals: Zombie Temporality and Media Ecology in Japan, by Alexander Zahlten
Paper on the media ecologies around the ritual of holding funerals for the death of fictional characters.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*
What Does Self Love Mean To You?
every week I ask someone this question and share their answers with you (:
“self love means being comfortable with your existence in the world: loving and accepting all your quirks and flaws, taking up as much space as you want in the world, online and off, and just allowing yourself to exist fully and completely without letting anyone or anything inhibit you!
- “a”
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*
let me know if you enjoyed this format & I might bring it back (:
with love,
jacky (:
I love Chang Rae Lee's writing, can't wait to read his piece you recommended
jacky mafia 🫡